Day one past "diagnosis" ...

As I watch Zero prancing around the house it's hard to imagine that he isn't feeling well or that he won't be here much longer.

My emotions range from "I can't take this" to "It must've been something I did not do to protect him" to "I'm lucky to have been able to spend this time with him, no matter how long".

Usually it's one of the first two. Every now and then that little rational side of me that is able to put emotions aside reaches through and helps me realize that Zero and I were blessed to have each other. I'm rarely able to put emotions aside in any areas of my life. I am who I am.

Today I'm just sad. Thinking of all the sweet memories we have together; seeing the love he and his sister have, as I write they sit side by side licking each other with their sweet, little tongues.

I worry that the medicine that the doctor gave might make him sicker quicker. Maybe it's best to go natural?

I can't stop telling him how much I love him and taking new photos or video of him. This is normal right?

This afternoon Zero was playing and following all the other cats around and watching them. He wanted to follow the other two cats up to the top of the bookshelf so I gently put him up there. Zero kept looking at the photos as if thinking "Will they put a photo of me up here one day?"He was so full of energy I was pleased and contented.

A little bit later I gave Zero his first pill, not until 3:45pm.

He was starving to eat last night after coming home from having his fluid extracted from is chest and he ate and drank a lot around midnight. He seemed hungry again in the morning and ate some at 7am. When I got home from work at 2:30 today he nibbled a little. After his pill I tried to feed him again around 5pm and he wasn't interested. I was worried that there was a relation to the medicine. (steroids?) Then at 6:30 I fed him again and he ate what seemed to be a decent amount but he seemed to be struggling chewing it and swallowing it. I was giving him wet baby Iams mixed with dry Cat Chow.

A little bit later he paced around the house, walking back and forth a little then settled in on the back of the couch pillow (a favorite spot).

All in all, I know that right now he is happy and none the wiser. I must be okay with the fact that he is okay today.